My Chemical CONSPIRACIES Numero 4-5

Okay, seeing as this is a tender subject I'm gonna remind you that these theories are based on no fact or evidence and it's all a joke (mostly) okay? Okay then let's begin.

Theory #4: Why MCR REALLY broke up

Omfg. I just. Maybe the band broke up because Frank is pregnant.

THAT HAS TO BE THE REASON OMFG IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

It does omg. And Ray is the Godfather and Mikey is the Godmother oh lord. You better be writing an Mpreg right about now.

THIS SHIT JUST GOT BEAUTIFUL.

And that's why they suddenly had to just stop the band because he is pulling a damn Kim Kardashian

And it already happened once (hence the existence of "fat Frank" AND the birth of Miles) and they're all "Frank, if you get knocked up again we can't hide it again it was hard enough before" and then he and Gerd had some crazy kinky ass anniversary sex and the condom broke so the band broke up and Gerard sued Trojan and got rich enough to build an orphanage and still have enough money to wipe his ass with, which is why he has SO MUCH FUCKING FREE TIME NOW.

And Frankie tried to hide it from Jamia but she finds out so Frankie goes to live with Gee and Bandit's like "Shit well I'm gonna be a big sister!" and Lyn-z is like "Gerard you fucking whore!" so she moves out but Bandit stays omg.

And have you SEEN pictures of Frank when he was fat I would seriously believe he was pregnant O.o

Come on Lyn-z. You only married him because you thought he would stop taking dick up the ass. You were wrong. Frankie is too irresistible and now his sexy ass is pregnant.

Yep it's official. My Chemical Romance's breakup rested on the fate of a defective condom.

Trojan, all I have to say to you is thank you for making a beautiful creature but fuck you because they broke up.

I feel bad now though because I think Frank had a miscarriage because he's all skinny again and what if they get vasectomies because they don't want to cause another tragic band breakup and then Gerard ran away to Mexico to get his mind off of things (he actually DID go to Mexico with Bandit and his "womanlady") and Frank and Gee haven't seen each other for months but now they are starting to miss each other because THOSE FUCKERS HAVE BEEN TWEETING

Well I'm sure once his dick heals up Frankie will join his Gee and his Bandit in Mexico and Lyn-z will suddenly go missing and then Cherry and Lily and Miles will just be kicking it with their dads in Mexico.

Theory #5: Fans are TOTALLY qualified to be Gerard's personal assistant!

OH MY SWEET JESUS HE'S LOOKING FOR A PERSONAL ASSISTANT.

Wait wat. APPLY FOR IT MAN.

IDK HOW MAN HE JUST PUT AN AD ON TWITTER AND I'M LIKE WHAT OMGASDFGHKJKL

"Yes Gerard I can totally drive. I'm totally an adult. I totally won't dream about 'accidentally' catching you and Frank in the closet!"

…with a hidden camera on my bowtie.

Ha yessss. Then you can use it as blackmail. "If I don't see any lip action within the next five seconds, this video will be seen by thousands of Frerard worshippers worldwide!!!"

Aww I can't do that to Gerard I love him too much…